Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973) Review

GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS (1973)
Director: Fredric Hobbs

Writer: Fredric Hobbs

Producers: Robert Bremson, Fredric Hobbs, E. Prentice Welles, and Stephen Williams

Editor: Richard Brummer

Cinematography: William Heick

Music: Henri Price

Starring: Christopher Brooks, Stuart Lancaster, E. Kerrigan Prescott, Peggy Browne, Richard Marion, and Karen Ingenthron

Runtime: 1 hour 29 minutes

Rating: Not Rated (Comparable to PG)

Genre: Western, Horror

Release Date: 1973 (no date given)

Intro: I've recently gotten into Reddit. One of the subreddits I follow is r/badmovies (upon finding it, I exclaimed, "my people!"). I found Godmonster of Indian Flats because somebody posted a link to the full movie and the comments all said it was hilariously bad. So, I decided to give this one a shot. I... just don't really know what to make of it. Godmonster of Indian Flats misfires just about everywhere and has a completely incomprehensible storyline that culminates in a nonsensical, yet unbelievable ending and a hilarious monster, a giant mutant sheep.

Plot: The plot is so complicated and nonsensical. I'm going to try my best to highlight it. In an old west mining town and tourist trap in Nevada, an African American businessman from the east named Barnstable (Brooks) comes to the town hoping to buy the mines and get them up and running again, but meets a lot of opposition from the locals. Meanwhile, a local sheep farmer wakes up from hallucinations to find a mutant sheep embryo that suddenly appears next to him. He takes it to a laboratory to be experimented on it as it grows into a hellbeast.

Things People May Find “Objectionable”: There's some very mild swearing and a little bit of blood, but nothing too bad. I mean, it was made for TV in the 70s, so they couldn't show much.

What wasn't Horrible:

     -Humor: None to speak of in the way of intentional humor. Unintentional humor comes from the ridiculousness of the monster and laughing at just how poorly done everything is. I mean, this movie even fails to tell its story. That's saying something.

     -Script: The script wasn't horrible, but it was pretty bland. I really can't say too much about it one way or another.

     -Directing/Cinematography: The shots were all fairly static and boring. Also, there were hardly any close-ups at all. It made things rather boring to look at. 

Yes, that's the monster in the background.

     -Acting: I'm currently drinking a glass of water. That glass of water, when I put it down, sits on a wooden table. Why am I telling you this? Because I think that table is less wooden than most of the actors' performances. The guy who plays the main character (can we call him that with all the storylines?) Barnstable is actually not bad, but the supporting cast really isn't great.

     -Originality: Godmonster of Indian Flats was extremely original. However, in this case, this was not a good thing. There's a reason nobody makes movies about a killer mutant sheep. It's because it's a stupid idea!!!!

What was Bad:

     -Story: There is one main problem with the story: IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE!!!!!!! I ended up yelling the word "what?" at my TV so many times during this thing. Is it that hard to tell a cohesive story, guys?! For as stupid as the story as Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter had, at least they told it in a way that makes sense. This thing could've used way more plot exposition. Nothing is really explained and it's all sort of a guessing game at times as to what is happening. I've made it through Memento, Inception, and Primer, so believe me when I say this is far and away the most confusing movie I have ever seen. If you can understand this movie, you are a freaking genius.

     -The Ending: I really don't have the slightest idea what happened at the end of the movie. There's just this unbelievable and seemingly random sequence of events that seems like it would only make sense if you were on a lot of LSD. It kind of needs to be seen to be believed. It'll leave you shocked, astonished, and scratching your head. It is as astonishing as it is incomprehensible.

     -Characters/Emotional Involvement: I really didn't care about any of the characters, and in the end, it didn't matter for the most part who they were and what their relationships with one another were. The filmmakers just wasted a lot of time developing a lot of the characters. This technique is also called padding.

Think of this sign as being at the North Pole and
Godmonster of Indian Flats as the rest of the world, where
all the signs are pointing.

     -Sound: Pretty freaking bad. It's one of those things that you don't notice unless it's done badly. Well, I noticed it. The sheep sound effects were especially bad. They literally had like 3 different sound effects of a sheep and played them over and over again in every sheep scene. Also, there's one scene where a character fires a gun and I swear they use the worst gun sound effect ever. It literally sounds like someone hit a table lightly with their fist.

     -Action/Suspense: The movie is pretty boring for a while until the monster shows up. You just kind of have to get through the first hour of the movie to get to the worthwhile part, which is the last half hour or so.

     -Special Effects: With only a budget of $135,000, you can only guess the quality. Other than the monster, which was spectacularly bad and hilarious, there wasn't much. The monster. Oh man, was it unique or what? I mean, it's a giant mutant sheep that is blatantly a guy in a suit. It even stands on two legs. What sheep, even a mutant hellbest version of one, does that?!? The monster was probably the most entertaining part of the movie.

The Verdict: Godmonster of Indian Flats is a complete and utter mess. Just about everything misfires and it leaves the viewer scratching his or her head just trying to understand what is going on.  I've never taken LSD or any other hallucinogen, but I have a feeling that watching this movie gives you a pretty good idea as to what they are like. This one is just so unbelievably bad and will leave your head full of questions that really can't be answered. This movie just kind of has to be seen to be believed just because of its across the board failure and astonishing ending. If you're a b-movie fan, give this one a shot. It takes some patience, but then ending makes up for it and you really won't believe your eyes.

Liking my reviews? Like my Facebook page.

Pacific Rim (2013) Review

PACIFIC RIM (2013) REVIEW
Director: Guillermo Del Toro

Writers: Travis Beacham and Guillermo Del Toro

Producers: Callum Greene, Jon Jashni, Mary Parent, and Thomas Tull

Editors: Peter Amundson and John Gilroy

Cinematography: Guillermo Navarro

Music: Ramin Djawadi

Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Rinko Kikuchi, Idris Elba, Charlie Day, and Burn Gorman

Best Credit: David Fox as "Old Man on Beach"

Runtime: 2 hours 12 minutes
Rating: PG-13 (sci-fi violence, brief language)

Genre: Sci-Fi, Monster Movies, Action

Release Date: July 12, 2013

Intro: I'm going to be honest here. I wanted to see this movie for one reason and one reason only: director Guillermo Del Toro. I loved the Hellboy movies and Pan's Labyrinth has become a favorite of mine. I love his inventiveness as far as monsters is concerned and his movies I've seen have been pretty compelling. Pacific Rim isn't a perfect movie by any stretch, as it's pretty cliché-ridden and the writing is weak, but the movie never fails to entertain. It has interesting visuals, good special effects, plenty of action, and a nice dose of humor and it is a nice homage to classic monster movies.

Plot: One day, a giant monster named a Kaiju rises out of the bottom of the ocean and attacks and destroys San Francisco. After a few other attacks, the humans choose to fight back and create giant robots called Jaegers to take on the Kaiju. When the Kaiju begin getting stronger and more numerous, the Jaegers begin to be less and less useful. Earth's last defense is Hong Kong, where the best pilots out there are recruited to defend the planet from the Kaiju.

Things People May Find “Objectionable”: The biggest thing is violenc. However, most of the violence is between giant monsters and giant robots and not between two people. Still, there's a lot of it and this isn't one I'd recommend showing young kids. Other than that, there's some mild swearing, but nothing much and it isn't pervasive at all, and there's one more f-bomb contained in this review than there is in the movie.

What was Good:

     -Directing: The visuals were all pretty spectacular. Del Toro made a lot of good choices when it came to what colors were used where. Visually, the movie looks great. Also, I love Del Toro's imagination when it comes to dreaming up monsters like the Kaiju. This is seen in other movies of his like the two Hellboy movies and Pan's Labyrinth.

     -Music/Score: I liked the score. It seemed kind of similar to other blockbuster scores I've heard in the recent past, but I still liked it and it added to the movie.

     -Action/Suspense: Plenty of action to go around. It felt to me like I was watching an upscale Godzilla movie. There were giant monsters fighting each other and, as expected, it was pretty exciting.

     -Humor: Though the movie wasn't a comedy by any stretch, it was fairly tongue-in-cheek and there was a good dose of humor throughout. It was a refreshing aspect of the movie. Usually movies like Pacific Rim run into trouble because they take themselves too seriously.

Pretty accurate description of the experience of watching Pacific Rim.

     -Special Effects: Definitely a strong part of the movie and where most of the budget probably went. And it showed. All the monsters looked impressively realistic. Then again, special effects are almost always an essential part of any large-scale production like Pacific Rim.

     -Acting: Decent acting. I think all the lead actors did an adequate job, even though there were no Oscar-winning performances to be found. It was interesting seeing Charlie Day of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia doing a semi-serious role, since he's known for comedy, but he does a good job.
     -Homage to Godzilla Movies: It's pretty clear that Pacific Rim is a love letter to old Godzilla movies. It feels like a Godzilla movie while watching it because the plot structure and action sequences all seemed like the types of things you would find in one. As a classic monster movie fan, I really enjoyed this about the movie.

What Could Have Been Better:
     -Cinematography: Though the movie looked very good, I must critique the cinematography. During a lot of the fight scenes, the cuts were too fast and the camera zoomed in too close and things happened so fast that it sometimes became difficult to figure out what was going on. This is maybe just me being picky, but when there's an action sequence, I like to know what is going on, even if the filmmakers are trying to convey the insanity of the situation. I think comprehension should come before anything else when piecing together an action scene.

     -Story: The story made sense and there were no obvious plot holes, but it really wasn't very strong. It was very cliché-ridden, and it took a lot of predictable turns. It just seemed like a story that's already been told many times before and it didn't seem that special.

     -Script: Really not a great script. The lines were pretty cheesy and cliché. It's pretty obvious that writing isn't the forte of this movie.

See, I'm not the only one who thought it was like a
Godzilla movie.

     -Characters/Emotional Involvement: The characters were pretty flat and weren't the emphasis of the movie. Look, the emphasis of this movie was giant robots and monsters fighting, not good, round characters. Just don't go into this movie expecting a lot of character development because you aren't going to get it.

Worth Noting:

     -Intelligence: This is just a movie where you walk in, shut your mind off, and enjoy. It doesn't require much brainpower to enjoy.
     -Originality: It's an homage to old Godzilla movies, so it was using a lot of the same clichés and scenarios from those, so I can forgive it somewhat. Having said that, the writing is very cliché and nothing new or fresh.

The Verdict: Pacific Rim was definitely a lot of fun and entertaining if nothing else. The writing was really not the best, but the action, visuals, and tribute to classic monster movies make up for it. The movie will not go down in history as one of the greatest ever made and it may end up as a flop for Warner Brothers. Even so, it's damn entertaining and I think worth a watch, especially if you're a fan of Godzilla movies.

Liking my reviews? Like my Facebook page.

The Lone Ranger (2013) Review

THE LONE RANGER (2013) REVIEW
Director: Gore Verbinski

Writers: Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott, and Terry Rossio

Producers: Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, Gore Verbinski, Ted Elliot, Eric McLeod, Chad Oman, Eric Ellenbogen, Terry Rossio, and Mike Stenson

Editors: James Haygood and Craig Wood

Cinematography: Bojan Bazelli

Music: Hans Zimmer

Starring: Armie Hamer, Johnny Depp, William Fichtner, Tom Wilkinson, Ruth Wilson, and Bryant Prince

Best Credit: Margaret Bowman as "Fat Lady"

Runtime: 2 hours 29 minutes

Rating: PG-13 (intense action and violence, some suggestive material)

Genre: Action/Adventure, Western

Release Date: July 3, 2013

Intro: Well, I went into this one with an open mind. This wasn't a movie I was going to go out of my way to see, but a couple friends were going, so I was like, why not? I could be in for seeing a western version of Pirates of the Caribbean, since that's what it seemed like it was. The Lone Ranger is far from flawless and its writing and lack of originality really drag it down, but it's still fairly entertaining thanks to the visuals, humor, and sometimes the action.

Plot: When district attorney John Reid (Hammer)'s train out west is attacked in order to free an outlaw on death row, Reid gets involved and with the help of an Indian slated for execution named Tonto (Depp), he manages to save the rest of the passengers on the train. Afterwards, they go their separate ways. Reid joins his brother, who makes him a Texas Ranger and takes him out to help find the refugee outlaw, Butch Cavendish (Fichtner). After things go badly for the rangers, Reid is reunited with Tonto, and they decide to pursue Cavendish together. Soon, they get mixed up in the ongoing conflicts with the provoking Indians, the railroad empire, and Butch Cavendish's gang of outlaws, and it's up to them to save the town and Reid's family.

Things people may find “objectionable”: There is a lot of violence and people getting shot and bleeding and so forth. This is surprising coming from a Disney movie, since the company is famous for family movies. Anyway, there isn't much of any objectionable stuff outside of the violence and blood, it's just there's a lot of it.

What was Good:

     -Acting: This was a bright spot for the movie. I really like Johnny Depp as an actor, as he can just disappear into roles, and I feel that he does so with Tonto. Armie Hammer is good as the title character and everyone else does a pretty good job, but Johnny Depp steals the show.

     -Music/Score: Pretty good score. As I've mentioned before, I don't think it's possible for Hans Zimmer to write a bad score and he is one of my favorite film composers. While this isn't his best work, it's better than your average movie score.

     -Directing/Cinematography: Not as visually striking as, say, a Star Trek: Into Darkness, but it definitely had decent visuals and some cool shots. The movie definitely looked good if nothing else. Gore Verbinski definitely knows how to direct.

Why we all love Johnny Depp

     -Action/Suspense: Well, you can't say there wasn't action in The Lone Ranger. It's even debatable that there was too much and that they should've spent more time on character development and the plot. Still, the action sequences were, for the most part, exciting. They probably could even have cut out a couple and shortened the movie slightly. In short, the action was good, but there was too much of an emphasis on it.

     -Humor: This was definitely a bright spot in the movie, and it mostly came from Johnny Depp. There were some very funny moments here and there, but not throughout the whole movie. The movie probably could have benefited from even more humor, as that's one thing it had going for it. 

     -Special Effects: Good special effects. Normally a western doesn't require many special effects, but this one was pretty heavy on them. Everything looked pretty realistic, and the visuals in general were a strong part of the movie.

What Could Have Been Better:
     -Characters/Emotional Involvement: Not the best. I feel like the characters were pretty flat. The filmmakers focused only on the action and in the process, forgot to develop the characters as much as they should have.

     -Story: Pretty cliché-ridden. It seemed to just follow a formulaic Western/Action plot with the typical conflicting natives and the greedy railroad bosses and the outlaws and so on. There really wasn't anything special here. There are also some mystical native american elements that fit in awkwardly and seem to be just thrown in there for the hell of it. The narrative they used also seemed unnecessary.

     -Script: The lines all seemed very cliché and cheesy. Tonto's lines especially seemed really cheesy and generic. It seems like the screenwriters just watched every movie with Native Americans in it and cut and pasted all the most stereotypical lines together. I don't know. It was just really unoriginal more than anything else. I feel I've heard most of the lines or variations of them before.

     -Originality: Sadly, there was very little. Everything was pretty formulaic and cliché. I wouldn't go see this movie and expect any innovation whatsoever. It seems like just another action-filled western.

     -Intelligence: This one's a no-brainer in that brain power isn't at all required. This is a movie that a brain-dead person could enjoy. This doesn't detract from the movie a whole lot, but don't go see it expecting to have your mind blown.

Final Score: I wouldn't say that The Lone Ranger is a great film in any way, shape or form. Having said  that, it is fairly entertaining. My advice is save your money and wait and watch it when it comes to Netflix, Redbox, and TV. It's entertaining and if you want a brainless action flick, fairly worth your time, but I wouldn't go out of your way to see it in theaters.

Enjoying my reviews? Like my Facebook Page .