Star Wars Holiday Special Notes

My notes I made while watching The Star Wars Holiday Special. I thought they deserved a place of their own.

• Chewy’s son is Lumpy and his dad is Itchy. The names already hint at this thing’s terribleness
• Wookies with MAKEUP. Dad looks like sasquatch
• All Wookie noises from 3:30 to 12:30; motherfucking minutes of only Wookie noises Not even any subtitles. JUST Wookie noises. Can’t tell what’s going on because of all Wookie noises. That’s all there fucking is!! Nothing else whatsoever. No more wookie noises!!!! Ok Wookies are fine as like Wookies, warriors and so forth in like episode 3. Not in family terms. They shouldn’t be interacting with each other
• Music is kinda cheesy. Pseudo-John Williams, but not quite. Bad. It’s all the damn same
• Random musical and performance acts just jump out of nowhere. Everything suddenly shifts to the characters watching some random performer doing their thing. Had no relevance to plot and makes no sense in context. No goddamn point. Chewy’s son applauds and watches them and it is painful acting. Oh God. Ouch.
• Costumes don’t even look like they’re from the same universe at all. Just randomly out of nowhere. Pseudo-alien and sci-fi, but don’t look like anything seen before or after in the Star Wears Universe. Just look like late 70s interpretation
• Nothing is at all explained in the wookie scenes. Shit just fucking happens without any explanation.
• Mark Hamill. Why…. Bad acting. Bad haircut. Looks like he’s wearing a lot of makeup. Looks like he’s in a boy band. Even voice acting seems really flat
• ARGH SO PAINFUL SO BAD. SO CHEESY OH MY FUCKING GOD. It’s so bad. The writing is so bad oh god. 
• They try to be clever, but it just fails so fucking hard. NOOOO
• All the humor is so badly done. None of it’s funny. It’s just painful. Comic relief is awful
• “Let’s see a little smile Malla” NOOOOOO DON”T NO OH FUCK NO NO NO NO NO!!!!
• Acting is bad. Imperial guy is bad. Harrison Ford acts like he doesn’t give a shit. Imperial guys are all bad. Wookie acting… Just kill me now
• Random cameos. Just why. There’s no point
• Random cooking act in the middle where Chewy’s mom watches a cooking show. No relevance to the plot at all. Star Wars universe cooking. Just no. Fails at funny. Goes on waaaaayyyy to long
• Ok special effects. Not as good as the movie, but not terrible for the time
• Random psychedelic dance thing that, again, has no relevance to the plot. Jefferson Starship. Is it a Wookie hallucinating, or what? I don’t know what the fuck this is whatsoever. Weird 70s trippy music video. Just why. The song isn’t horrible, it just seems like it shouldn’t belong in a fucking Star Wars movie. So much Jefferson Starship. Why. There’s no relevance. Ugh just shameless padding
• Wookie-ookies. Just kill me now
• Plot is almost nonexistent as it’s so padded. It just kind of happens.
• Just randomly shifts to animation about halfway through. Luke and Leia look really lame. Also, random animated dinosaur. Even so, first appearance and words of Boba Fett. Actually, like, only cool part. Bit about Boba Fett was way too short and predictable though, Just shoddily written plot wise. Clapping, cheering Wookies. No
• Space ads. Just stop. So painful. Just stop the comedy. It’s not even remotely funny. It’s just excruciating
• PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE TAKES PLACE IN THE FUCKING WOOKIE HOUSE
• Cantina band sounds worse than in the original. Slower and seems off-key
• Cantina conversation. Apparently that’s Bea Arthur. It seems completely just thrown in just for the hell of it. Has no relevance and there’s like no reason for it to be there. Cantina scene has no fucking point
• Cheering aliens in the cantina. Oh God. There’s a giant fucking rat on tatooine and it’s cuddling the bartender during a song? Why???? No song and dance numbers. Please for the love of God no
• Intimate moments are just so painful. Oh my God. So awful and cheesy. 3PO being sentimental, everyone, Luke, Leia, Han, the droids, like everyone meets in space. What the fuck?
• Fucking Wookie noises. You can’t tell a story based solely on Wookie noises!!!
• Wookie life day rituals. Just what the actual fuck???? They’re processing through stars wearing red robes. WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK IS THIS YOU LITTLE FUCKS WHAT THE FUCK. AND THEN 3PO & R2 SHOW UP HOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
• Such cheesy Christmas dialogue for Life Day. Christmasy syrupy cheese. Oh just please let me die, if there is a merciful God up there
• And Princess Leia sings. Oh fuck no. Oh Jesus Christ end this nightmare!!! Why would you do this Carrie Fischer? How much money did they pay you? WHY…. 
• Sobbing from immense pain
• Aaaand now we’re just going to recycle movie footage. Alrighty then. Way to cop out on a cop out you stupid sons of fucking bitches.
• Oh God thank God this piece of crap is over